On the night of Halloween I went to my mom's house and handed out candy, an activity I have never taken part in. There's nothing like sitting on the front porch, drinking beers with my stepdad and listening to little kids ask me "What's black, white, and red all over?"
The best part is that I did all of that in a Gumby suit.
All night I couldn't help but consider how bizarre of a holiday Halloween is. What started as mostly a religious celebration of All Saints Day, is now more of a social holiday. It's a day for guys my age to come up with the most creative costume to try and get laid by the chick my age wearing the sluttiest. But I can get over having to stare at hot chicks wearing next to nothing for one day a year.
What really bothers me is the fact that for this one day every year it is socially acceptable to wear a costume out in public to just about anywhere. If I were to dress as Gumby in the middle of March, not only would I be gawked at, I could be flagged as a potential pedophile. Yet we dress up in costumes like this guy, this guy, and these two, and its okay because that's todays spirit of Halloween.
Continuing along the oddities of Halloween, did you know rather than simply saying "Trick or Treat," St. Louisians demand a joke before dishing out a handful of candy? The joke of this year has to be "How many men does it take to do laundry?"
A: None. It's a woman's job.
Not bad for a 10-year-old.
That was one of only three new jokes I heard. The rest I knew all the punchlines to, which leads me to ask at what point is it acceptable to ruin the little kids' jokes? When my kids are out trick-or-treating I'm going to be the guy on the block that doesn't give candy unless I hear a new joke - one that I don't know the punchline to.
And then I'll probably wake up and see toilet paper in my trees.
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